tGB: Yours to Keep

{Green-Light/Rookson/LT camp}
A large, coal colored tomcat flopped down in his nest, his paws full of green dust and reeking of herbs. Rookson glanced around with tired eyes, too lazy to even clean the leaf reminents off his paws. Thunder rumbled overhead, a bold of lightning illuminating the deserted camp. The healer stared out into the empty clearing, his green eyes absently following the torrenting rain as it pummled the camp. Rook had been mixing and organizing herbs all afternoon, and he was releived to finally be back in the comfort of his nest. For the first time the Siberian noticed his denmate's absense; causing him to wonder the whereabouts of Baldr. Laying his chin on his paws, Rook gazed out into the rain, suddenly feeling very tired but unable to sleep.

{ Green-Light | Baldr | Light-Tribe Camp }
Rookson’s denmate wasn’t actually that far away.

Baldr had only just bid a quiet farewell to Basil, having spent most of the late afternoon speaking with her quietly. Recent events had taken a toll on both of them, and as the entire ordeal was a complete secret, (save for a select few cats) they could only confide, and find comfort, in each other. The albino cast one last look at his dear friend before returning his gaze to the outside world, where rain was coming down in sheets, soaking the earth and making visibility a real problem for the near-sighted tom. He paused in the entryway of the Leader’s den, trying his best to gauge when it would be safe - or at least, safer - to dip out into the rain and run back to the comfort of his warm den. Hopefully Rookson had returned from the herb storage; for Baldr found that though he had only just finished talking with Basil, he yearned for the comforting baritones of his large friend, and the promise of a warm, fluffy pelt to cuddle up against, so long as his Shadow was in a good mood.

Eventually, the green-light gave up on the rain dying down, and dashed out into the storm, wind buffeting his face and rain obscuring his vision. He ran on instinct alone, and after a short and muddy journey, quite literally tumbled into the den he shared with Rookson.

{Green-Light/Rookson/LT Camp}
Rookson merely looked up when Baldr tripped into their den, the healer offering his near-sighted companion a grin of amusement. Scooting over to make room, the tomcat rasped his tongue over Baldr's soaked fur, helping his friend to dry off. Glancing at the smaller cats sullen expression, Rook twitched one ear- curious. "You look upset. What's up?" Rook grunted, trying to act as if he wasn't interested but trying to make the poisoner open up. Looking back on the day, Rook realized that Baldr had been gone almost the entire afternoon. Wonder why.</b> Letting out a sneeze, Rookson leaned back, swiping his tongue across his jaw. Whatever was troubling his denmate- Rook hoped Baldr trusted him enough to tell him if something was wrong.

{ Green-Light | Baldr | Light-Tribe Camp }
After his dramatic entrance, Baldr sheepishly pulled himself up onto all fours, pelt dripping water onto the dry floor of their den. He shot Rookson a grateful look before taking the offered space and making himself comfortable, a purr rumbling out of his throat as his friend reached over to groom him and help dry out his sopping fur. They were quiet for a little while, working together to clean one another, listening to the rumble of the thunder outside, and the pitter-patter of rain on fresh spring leaves. And then, when the two were finished, and a comfortable silence had taken over, Rookson broached the subject Baldr had been half yearning for, and half dreading.

The small tom looked down at his paws, flexing his toes absent-mindedly as he searched for an appropriate answer. And after a moment, he found it, by simply telling his large friend the truth. ”I was with Basil,” he began, turning to look at Rookson as he spoke. ”Recently… We l-lost someone who was close to us. I cannot t-tell you many details of what transpired, but it has worn on both of our hearts.” He tilted his head, a sad smile playing across his face in the dim light. ”Do you remember the day you asked me to share a den with you? I m-mentioned something a friend told me. Well… The cat Basil and I lost, and the f-friend from that story are one and the same.” He trailed off, head bowed low.
”I loved her like a daughter,” he murmured finally. ”I have never had children, though I came close once, so perhaps I am in the wrong for claiming that? …But what I felt for her is the only reference I h-have. And I know, in my heart, that it was so.”

{Green-Light/Rookson/LT camp}
I loved her like a daughter. A sudden, familiar chill rippled across Rookson's spine, a lump suddenly growing in his throat. A memory played across his mind, a memory that he had repressed for so long. A picture flickered behind his eyes; a small body, torn apart and barely recognizable. Barely daring to breath, Rookson gave Baldr a long, blank look. "I've been a father before, Baldr." The words came with little emotion, Rook barely able to keep himself together. It had been so long since he dared to think about his former life. IT seemed like years ago- his life with Anna. It doesn't matter now, they're gone. No matter how many times Rookson told himself this, he beleived it less and less. It did matter- it always had. Blood pounding in his ears, the healer looked back up at Baldr, suddenly feeling very old. "I never told anyone- not even my father. It seems so long ago- my life as a loner." Rook paused, his green eyes clouding. He breifly thought about turning back, refusing to talk about it any further. It's too late, now. He had been denying his past for too long. "I met this she-cat, Anna." A small smile played on the gruff tom's lips, memories of the pretty she-cat seeping into his mind. "We hadn't known eachother long- but she had my kits a few moons later." Rook swallowed hard, refusing to put an emotion in his straining voice. "Two daughters, Baldr." The Green-Light's words came in a whisper, now, a shaky smile betraying Rook's feelings. "You shoulda' seem 'em. I never wanted a family- but when I saw them.." The tom trailed off, the picture of Anna nursing their two daughters still fresh in his mind. "We named them Fawn and Leaf." Gazing into his companion's scarlet eyes, Rook murmured, his eyes glassing over. "They were only a month old, Baldr." Turning his gaze back to the ground, Rook let out an angry growl, his voice thick with emotion. "I should have been there- but I needed to get us food...I.."

{ Green-Light | Baldr | Light-Tribe Camp }
Though he was indeed surprised by the statement, Baldr said nothing after Rookson’s quiet confession, choosing to allow his denmate the time he needed to get this off his chest. He’d always wondered about Rookson’s life before the Tribes - the dark healer had never shared much on the subject, aside from the ventures he’d shared with his father. But there had always been that unspoken bit, that time period that was never talked about, never spoken of, barely remembered… Until now, it seemed.

He listened as Rookson revealed that he’d had a family, once upon a forgotten dream. A mate, and two kittens who had barely begun to live before something had taken them away. By the way Rookson was speaking, it sounded as though something had happened while he was away hunting, and Baldr chose not to ask, for he could make an educated guess. A predator was the likeliest culprit, but the albino didn’t need to know the details to feel the pain radiating off of his denmate.
He pressed his side up against Rookson’s, a comforting gesture that echoed what he’d done earlier today with Basil, and hoped that the contact would help.
After Rookson had quieted, and the sound of rain filled the silence for a long while, Baldr finally spoke, ”I blamed myself when Erim died,” he said, giving voice to the name of his friend. ”And I blamed myself when Emma died as well. I did not t-tell you about her - she was a Water-Tribe cat, a dearly loved friend. She- she was to bear my kittens once, but the drought took her life and the lives of our unborn children.” He looked Rookson in the eyes, a softness gracing his features. ”I thought, that if I had my old powers when they needed it, that they would both be here today. And p-perhaps? Perhaps that is true… I certainly believed it, for a long, long while.” he sucked in a deep breath, then continued. ”Fate is in many ways like the ocean - the tides will shift and rise and fall. But the water will never recede, no matter how we hard we push, no matter how much water we move. I could live through those moments hundreds of times, but I do not think the outcome would be different… It was not my fault that they passed, and I know that neither of them would want me to suffer in grief and unneeded guilt. And I do not think,” as he spoke, Baldr placed a paw on top of Rookson’s ”That your family would want you to linger in that pain either.”

{Green-Light/Rookson/LT Camp}
Rookson blinked away unshed tears, trying to steady his gaze. It seemed him and Baldr both had secrets. The tom looked away, the faces of his small daughters the only picture in his mind. He had tried so hard to leave that part of his life behind, tried so hard to forget. Now that he had shared this, though, he could never turn back- he could never truly let it go. Now, everytime he looked at Baldr he would remember this conversation- remember telling him about his shrt lived family. Oddly enough, though, Rook was okay with that. It seemed like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. At least now he had someone who understood what it was like to lose everything. Looking back at his albino friend, Rook let out a tired laugh. "Look at us- how depressing, isn't it?" Letting his smle fade away, the green-light softened his tone. "I'm sorry, Baldr. About your kits and..Erim; but it's nice to talk to someone who knows what it's like.." Letting the statement go unfinished, the dark colored Siberian stared back outside, the rain still coming down in turrents. "That's why I avoid kits." The tom spoke bluntly, not taking his eyes off the falling rain.

{ Green-Light | Baldr | Light-Tribe Camp }
Despite the shared weight of their sorrows, Baldr felt lighter, knowing that he had another cat to confide in, and a newer, stronger bond than ever with Rookson. He let himself return the primary’s smile, gesturing to the torrential downpour outside. ”Terribly so. And it seems the Spirits agree.”

When offered condolences, Baldr merely shook his head. ”Thank you Rookson, but truly, I do not feel the pain like I once did. The ache is still there of course, and I do not imagine it will ever really fade. But I am better and stronger now, for having known them, for having loved them. And the knowledge that they wait for me in Eden is reason enough to keep on living, and to be happy.” He touched his nose to Rookson’s shoulder. ”Perhaps we can do that together…”

”That's why I avoid kits."</i>

He didn’t look at Rookson, instead choosing to watch the rain like his companion was doing.
”…Have you ever considered trying again, one day?”

{Green-Light/Rookson/LT Camp}
Rook flinched inwardly at Baldr's touch, but forced himself to relax. Rook had a very hard time with letting go, but it seemed his companion did not. Have you ever considered trying again? Rook turned to Baldr, somewhat surprised at the question. Even more surprising, though, was that Rook did not have an answer. He had avoided ever thinking of such things- until now. Glancing away, the healer stared at the soaked ground for what seemed like a long while. Finally, he spoke quietly. "..I've never thought about it. Since they died I've been with no one else." After a small pause, Rook spoke in a low tone, half to himself. "I'm afraid...that if I do  start over, they'll be taken from me." Rook looked into his friend's bright scarlet eyes, his voice tense. "I can't go through that again."

{ Green-Light | Baldr | Light-Tribe Camp }
Baldr felt Rookson tense at his touch, and he moved away slightly, not wanting to make the larger tom uncomfortable. The primary tom did that often enough that he almost wanted to ask about it - but perhaps it was a question for another day.

"I understand," Baldr meowed with a small nod, sympathy in his gaze. "Truthfully, I have never been with a-anyone. A few times, I have felt something that could have grown into love, if only the Spirits had granted me more time. Even with Emma, it was n-not... I did not love her like a mate. So, perhaps in this, I cannot relate to you... All I know is that family is something I have longed for since I left my own for the T-tribes. And even though I have suffered loss time and time again... I cannot believe the Spirits so cruel, to deny me in this one, p-pure wish." He laughed quietly then. "You might think me naive, to believe such things. Sometimes, even I wonder myself... But then, I h-have always been too optimistic, too fond of those things that are bright and beautiful. "

{Green-Light/Rookson/LT Camp}
Rook let out a small sigh, his steely gaze softening. "I never wanted a family, Baldr. To be quite honest, when my kits were born...I was scared. I was scared that I wouldn't love them, that I would be a bad parent." The tom was quiet for a moment. "But when I saw them for the first time.." Rook smiled, losing himself in his memory for a few short moments. Turning back to Baldr, he pressed closer to the albino, trying his best to comfort him. "It would be nice to..love something again. Love another cat like I did my daughters." Rasping his tongue over the poisoner's ear, Rookson purred. "Being optimistic isn't bad, Baldr. To be honest, I wouldn't want you to be anything but." Letting the quiet stretch on for a moment, Rook murmured warmly to his denmate. "You'll have a family one day, Baldr. A real family, and kits that you can raise." As he spoke Rookson thought about his own choices in life and his future. Would he ever have another family? The tom blinked, troubled. It was true, he was scared of losing another cat he, but he couldnt deny that he would love to see a kit just like him, growing and living- his kit. Maybe one day.

{ Green-Light | Baldr | Light-Tribe Camp }
He'd moved away, but it seemed Rookson didn't have an issue with closeness, for the large tom had closed the distance between them once more, warm and comforting and altogether not unpleasant in the slightest. Perhaps it is only when the touch is without warning...

Baldr snuggled up to the primary tom then, anxiety all but forgotten, letting a purr rumble out of him at his friend's words, and leaning into the grooming. "I am glad at least one cat thinks so." Turning his head, Baldr blinked up at his denmate, a soft, warm look in his eyes. "I hope you find it one day too. I do not think I could stand to be so happy if you were not also. These last few moons... You have become a most l-loved friend Rookson - I would not have guessed that our bond would grow as it has. But I would not trade it for all the gems in the world, and that is why... I truly do want the best for you. And I will help with that, if I can."

{Green-Light/Rookson/LT Camp}
Rook swallowed, trying to fight back the urge to move away. He wasn't used to being so close to another cat- especially a tom. The last cat he had gotten close with died. Forcing himself to relax, Rook laid his head down on his paws, Baldr's grooming progressivly calming him down. "I wouldn't have guess, either." Closing his eyes, the healer let out a quiet murmur. "i'm glad you're here, Baldr." That was the best Rook could manage- he had never been good in personal situations like this one. Rookson appreciated his pale friend more than he could ever admit to him- and to himself. He hoped, though, that a majority of his affection went without aying, and he hoped Baldr knew how much Rook cared for him.

{ Green-Light | Baldr | Light-Tribe Camp }
At some point they'd swapped roles, and now it was Baldr rasping his tongue across Rookson's fur, gentle and caring and calming (or so he hoped). Baldr smiled between licks at Rookson's quiet words - his large friend had never been one to ramble on like the albino so often did, but the same warmth that his own words had held echoed in the siberian's, and so Baldr simply purred in response and continued to share tongues with his denmate.

After a while, the smaller tom had settled back down beside Rookson, purring quietly as the rain continued to fall outside. The drumming of the drops against the earth was lulling him into slumber, but as his dreams began to close in, something occurred to him that he had not considered for a long while. "Rookson," he murmured sleepily, stifling a yawn before continuing. "Have you ever thought about soulbonding with somecat?"

{Green-Light/Rookson/LT Camp}
Opening one of his eyes to glance at Baldr, the big tomcat grunted. "What's a soulbond?" Rookson had heard cats use that term before, but he didn't really know what it meant. Once he had overheard a cat talking about Basil's soulbond- whoever that had been- and how he had abandoned her and Light Tribe. At the time, Rook couldn't blame the tom. Closing his eyes once more, the large Siberian tucked his paws under his chest, slipping into a doze but keeping somewhat alert. The title 'Soulbond' sounded important enough, but did it mean something like a mate? At this thought Rook's eyes flickered open, suddenly feeling his ears go hot. Is he...? The healer gulped, suddenly feeling very nervous. No, that couldn't be right. This soulbond business must be about something else. It must be..

{ Green-Light | Baldr | Light-Tribe Camp }
Humming quietly, Baldr closed his eyes, laying his head across his paws. "I have never experienced it myself, but I learned about it when I first joined the Tribes. Basil gave me m-more insight after she and Kehri pledged themselves. It is... A profound bond, the binding of the souls of a primary and secondary powered cat. If the Spirits approve, the two cats can unlock new abilities as a team, a unit. One soul in two bodies. I have heard tell that you can sense the other's presence, even feel their heartbeat. It is not something to be taken lightly, but it is the ultimate show of trust and love between two cats." He let out a yawn then. "I had only met one cat before that even made me consider it... But it was not to be. Now though..." He trailed off, cracking his eyes open just a tad to watch the rain fall.

{Green-Light/Rookson/LT Camp}
Interested now, Rookson opened his eyes and sat up, stretching his paws out infront of him once more. "Sounds kinda cool." Picking up on his friend's dropped hints, Rook casually licked one paw, his voice blunt. "We should become soulbonds. We'd make a good team." The healer spoke matter-of-factly, knowing full well that all he said was true. This way, the two would always know where the other was- and they could combine their powers if need be. Would Basil let us be soulbonds, though? As far as Rookson had heard, no other cats in Light tribe had this bomd, but then again he didn't listen much to other cats' gossip.

{ Green-Light | Baldr | Light-Tribe Camp }
Baldr pricked his ears, not sure he'd heard correctly. Of course he'd had Rookson in mind for a little while now, and though his words before had been more hopeful than him actually dropping hints, he really was not opposed to the idea. But his friend hadn't even really known what soulbonds were before tonight, and now he was suddenly ready to pledge his soul away? 
"I will not lie - I did have you in mind," the albino meowed hesitantly, sitting up a bit and looking at his friend. "But Rookson - are you sure you understand what it is you are saying? It is... It is a lot. We would be bonded for life, irrevocably so, at least not without great pain. I am not saying I do not want to, but I just want to make sure you understand."

{Green-Light/Rookson/LT Camp}
Rookson stopped his grooming and looked at Baldr, unphased. "I understand,, Baldr, but my mind isn't gonna change. I mean, you're my best friend, I don't have to think twice," the tom grunted. Suddenly feeling a stab of worry, the healer shot his friend a serious look. "Are you sure? I mean, you're my only friend, so my choice is easy; but you have other close friends. I mean, do you really wanna be stuck with me for life?" He teased, nudging Baldr with his nose.

{ Green-Light | Baldr | Light-Tribe Camp }
Baldr tilted his head, considering Rookson's words. The other tom seemed resolute in his choice, and his gaze shone with a sudden clarity that gave Baldr the confidence he needed. "I am sure - truly, there is no other cat I would rather have as my soulbond." And then he let himself grin a little, nudging Rookson back fondly. "Even if you are a pain." Then, Baldr's eye widened, and then he began to laugh. "At least," he meowed merrily "At least this way, you will always be around to protect me from that mad sire of yours."

{Green-Light/Rookson/LT Camp}
Rookson grinned, the sadness of their previous conversation forgotten. "Good, then it's settled. Tomorrow, we'll ask Basil if we can be soulbonds." Letting out a huge yawn, the dark furred siberian rasped his tongue across Baldr's ear. "For now, though, I think it's time for a nap." He grinned sheepishly, resting his head on his paws. Closing his eyes, Rookson felt himself nod off, his mind filled with Anna, his kits, and Baldr.

{ Green-Light | Baldr | Light-Tribe Camp }
Soulbonds.
Nodding, Baldr laid back down beside Rookson, purring quietly. He nosed his denmate's cheek fur gently, a fond look in his eyes and a smile on his face, before laying his head across his paws and closing his eyes. Just like the first time they met, Baldr drifted off to the sound of Rookson's breathing and the pitter patter of raindrops on the forest floor.